The Hardest Part

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My favourite kinds of questions are the ones I don’t know the answers to.
The ones that catch me off guard and make me think.

I was asked one the other day:
“What has been the hardest part since coming back from Mongolia?” (Re-entry)

Travelling Takes a Toll
Travelling Takes a Toll

I wasn’t sure. I think my transition back to North American soil has been a relatively good one.
…so far, at least!

I mentioned a few things that were easier for me to deal with than expected but also that I think the hardest parts will show up further down the road. I’m still processing, reflecting, adjusting, decompressing. These things take time.

My "Processing" Picture. Driving is my thinking place.
My “Processing” Picture. Driving is my thinking place.

But – I have been thinking about it and these are some of my “hard things” (or surprising) that I’ve noticed about coming back, and here they are:

—–

Making Decisions. I’ve been out of practice. My life was pretty set in Mongolia and now even the smallest decisions seem to take a lot of brain power.

Yep. Just AWK.
Yep. Just AWK.

Easily overwhelmed…sort of. It doesn’t come up often, but sometimes I have these moments that I don’t know how to describe. I can feel the pressure building up and then I fall apart, all within a matter of minutes.

It’s exactly like a four year old meltdown – not the screaming kicking kind, but the kind where there’s some unknown trigger, your face entirely melts and you’re a helpless mess. The only things is that I still have a 21-year old brain so I know that I know better. I know just how ridiculous the entire scenario is, completely aware how pathetic the situation looks, but knowing that the only thing to do is ride it out. I’ll know I’ll be okay in an hour or two, and generally am.

I have a new respect for pregnant women, emotional disorders, and my Mother, who has witnessed at least two of these episodes. They usually end with me offering up a miserable “Really, I’m okay. I’m just…tired…”

Small Awkward Encounters. Again: I’m out of practice. Take a dose of Normal Awkward Anna, throw in some uncertainty, weird eye contact, consistent dumb sentences, an overanalyzing streak and that’s me.

All. The. Time.

—–

But other than that, life back in BC has been really good! It’s not as bad as it sounds, I just thought I’d share a bit of honest reality, in case you were wondering.

Until next time,
~Awkward Anna : )

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